Let me say this clearly and without apology:

I will not sacrifice my kids to accommodate anyone.

Yes, I teach my kids kindness. I encourage sharing. I want them to have empathy and compassion.

But I will also teach them that they have the right to say no. That it’s okay to protect their own space, their belongings, their bodies, and their energy. That not sharing doesn’t make them bad people. It makes them people with healthy boundaries.

Because I know firsthand what it feels like to grow up without those boundaries.

As a child, even with well-meaning parents, my choices were often taken away from me. I was forced to share things I deeply valued. If someone had less than me, I was expected to give them what I had. No questions asked. Toys, clothes, food-- it didn’t matter. If I wanted to keep something for myself or refused, I was labeled selfish or ungrateful. Sometimes, things were just taken without my knowledge.

I was told not to ask for anything except if it was a need. I was taught to earn rewards. Not to need too much. Because “we had privilege” and others didn’t. I grew up thinking that having boundaries made me a bad person. So I learned to give and give and give until there was nothing left for me.

That followed me into adulthood.

I overextended.

I let people take.

I didn’t say no, even when I was exhausted.

I will not raise my kids that way.

My kids will be taught to be kind, but never at the expense of themselves.

They will know that it’s okay to have limits.

That generosity is a choice, not an obligation.

And that “no” is not a bad word. No is an opportunity for growth. It is not always intended to wound.

If your child is aggressive, destructive, or hurting others, I will step in. And my kids have every right to defend themselves. I expect other parents to parent their own children. But if your child is hurting mine, I will remove my kids and end the interaction immediately.

I’ve seen this firsthand.

One time, a child was actively pushing one of my kids off the stairs leading up to a slide. My child was hanging on for dear life, not even fighting back. Just silently supporting her weight with her little arms as this other kid grasped her clothes and used his other hand to push her head and back. His father was standing right there, completely absorbed in his phone. I told the child, “Do not push,” and physically moved his hands off my kid’s clothes. That was the only moment the dad looked up, took his child, and walked away without saying a word.

Another time, a child with special needs pushed one of my kids into the deep part of a pool. Their dad had to jump in immediately to rescue her. The child’s guardian apologized and explained that the child had a disability. I want to be clear. I do not believe children with special needs should be excluded from fun or public activities. Every child deserves joy and inclusion.

But inclusion requires responsibility.

If your child needs more support, then you must be more present.

You cannot zone out. You cannot scroll your phone. You must stay engaged.

This applies to me too. When I’m with my younger child, I don’t relax. I don’t look away. I stay close and pay attention. That is what parenting requires. This, I find, is a parent’s gig until they are capable of controlling their impulses and are able to keep themselves safe. Going out with small kids and kids with special needs will always mean an excursion for those kids. No me time or time to relax. No distracted time unless they are napping or securely hugging you. You watch them. Engage them. You are always gonna need to be hyper aware. A young child relies on you to keep her safe.

I will always encourage my kids to be kind, inclusive, and compassionate. But I will not ask them to tolerate being hit, hurt, or put in danger. I will not let them absorb the emotional weight of other people’s children.

Every child has the right to play.

Every child must also be taught not to harm others or cross boundaries.

I also do not believe in raising kids in a constant “yes” environment.

Some people say that saying no breaks a child’s spirit or makes them grow up too fast. But real life is full of no. Teaching children how to handle disappointment or denial is part of raising emotionally strong and balanced people.

You don’t have to be an adult to understand respect.

You don’t need to be grown to deserve boundaries.

Teaching kids about limits and personal space does not ruin their childhood.

It protects it.

That is what I am here to do.

I’m not raising kids who feel they have to shrink themselves to keep others comfortable.

I’m raising whole, confident people who know how to say,

“No. That’s not okay with me.”