The Harmful Effects of Gatekeeping and Exclusion
This was inspired by the fact that someone very dear to me got shut out from a group that used to be good to her. Seeing how much it affected her made me reflect more deeply on exclusion, gatekeeping, and the ways people can make others feel unwanted, whether intentionally or not.
At some point in our lives, most of us have experienced both sides of exclusion.
We’ve been part of the “in” group, the people included in conversations, opportunities, plans, and spaces where we felt welcomed and valued. But many of us have also experienced being on the outside looking in. We know what it feels like to be left out, ignored, overlooked, or made to feel like we don’t fully belong.
And during those moments when we are outside looking in, it rarely feels good. Feeling excluded can make people question themselves, feel isolated, or wonder why they are not considered worthy of inclusion. Because we know how painful that feeling can be, we should actively try not to make others feel that way when we are the ones inside the circles, groups, or spaces with access and influence.
The reality is, people often move between both sides throughout life. Sometimes we are included. Sometimes we are excluded. Sometimes, without even realizing it, we may unintentionally contribute to making others feel left out too.
That’s why it’s important to stay mindful of how we treat people and to continuously choose to grow for the better.
Exclusion Happens in Everyday Life
Gatekeeping and exclusion are not limited to one type of community or environment. They can happen anywhere, in schools, workplaces, friend groups, organizations, hobbies, online spaces, and everyday social situations.
Sometimes exclusion is intentional, and sometimes it isn’t. There are moments when people deliberately leave others out, but there are also times when exclusion happens quietly and unintentionally through habits, assumptions, or lack of awareness.
And honestly, there are also situations where exclusion comes from negative feelings such as insecurity, jealousy, resentment, personal bias, or simply selfishness. Sometimes people want to protect their position, attention, influence, or comfort, even if it means making others feel unwelcome.
It can look like inside jokes that isolate someone, conversations where certain people are consistently ignored, opportunities shared only within familiar circles, or situations where newcomers are treated differently without anyone openly acknowledging it.
Even small actions can leave lasting effects on people.
Gatekeeping Even Affects Businesses and Products
Gatekeeping does not just affect social spaces. It can even affect businesses, brands, restaurants, hobbies, creators, and products people claim to love.
Sometimes people refuse to share a good product, hidden gem, small business, or favorite place because they want to keep it exclusive to themselves. While that mindset may seem harmless, it can actually hurt the very businesses they enjoy supporting.
When people share products, recommend businesses, and help others discover things they genuinely enjoy, it generates support, sales, growth, and visibility. That support helps businesses thrive and keeps products on the shelves longer.
Most businesses survive because people talk about them, recommend them, and help expand their audience. Growth rarely happens through secrecy.
There is nothing wrong with wanting something to feel special, but supporting something you love should also include helping it succeed.
Everyone Wants to Feel Accepted
At the heart of it, most people simply want to feel seen, respected, and included.
Being welcomed into a space can make someone feel encouraged and confident. On the other hand, constantly feeling excluded can make people withdraw, question themselves, or feel disconnected from others.
A little kindness and openness can go much further than we realize.
Being Inclusive Is a Choice
No community, friendship, or group becomes stronger by making others feel unwelcome.
Inclusion does not mean everyone has to be best friends or agree on everything. It simply means treating people with fairness, respect, and consideration. It means being aware of how our actions affect others and making an effort not to create unnecessary divisions.
Sometimes growth means recognizing moments where we could have done better and choosing differently moving forward.
Growth Comes From Self Awareness
One of the most important things we can do is acknowledge that none of us are perfect.
There may have been moments where we felt hurt by exclusion, and there may also have been moments where we unintentionally excluded others ourselves. What matters is having the self awareness to reflect, learn, and improve.
Maturity is not about pretending we’ve always gotten things right. It’s about being willing to become more thoughtful, compassionate, and inclusive over time.
Choose Kindness Whenever Possible
People remember how they are treated.
They remember who made them feel welcome, who acknowledged them, and who showed kindness even in small ways. The strongest communities and relationships are built through openness, empathy, and respect, not exclusivity.
At the end of the day, we all want to feel like we belong somewhere.
It is precisely because we’ve all likely experienced both inclusion and exclusion at different points in life that we should use those experiences to become more mindful of others and more intentional about creating spaces that feel welcoming rather than closed off.
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